Introduction

Narcissism is a word we hear often, but few people truly understand the depth of its impact — not only on our emotional lives, but also on our spiritual growth. For many, encountering a narcissist feels like colliding with a storm: confusing, draining, and often painful.

In this book, we explore narcissism from two angles:

1. The Psychological – Understanding patterns, traits, and behaviors that define narcissists.

2. The Spiritual – Looking beyond the surface to see the soul’s journey, possible karmic connections, and the lessons we can learn from these encounters.

My goal is not to excuse harmful behavior. Abuse, manipulation, and disrespect are never acceptable. Instead, my aim is to shine a light on the hidden spiritual dynamics that may be at play — the deeper reasons these individuals cross our paths, and how we can emerge stronger, wiser, and more connected to our true selves.

Through history, personal experiences, and spiritual insight, you will discover:

• Why narcissists act the way they do.

• How to recognize their patterns early.

• Ways to protect your emotional and spiritual energy.

• How to heal and grow after a narcissistic relationship.

By the end, I hope you’ll see that even the most difficult relationships can hold a hidden gift — one that can lead you closer to self-love, clarity, and peace.

About the Author – D.E. McElroy

D.E. McElroy is a spiritual teacher, researcher, and founder of World Christianship Ministries. With decades of experience exploring the intersections of human behavior, spiritual growth, and the unseen connections between souls, he has dedicated his life to guiding others toward understanding and healing.

McElroy’s work draws on a blend of ancient wisdom, modern psychology, and personal revelation. His writings challenge conventional religious views, inviting readers to explore deeper truths about love, unity, and the soul’s eternal journey.

When not writing, he serves through his ministry, counsels individuals on spiritual matters, and researches topics ranging from Near Death Experiences to the hidden histories of religious traditions. His approach is grounded in compassion, honesty, and the belief that every soul has the power to grow beyond the wounds it carries.

Copyright Page

The Narcissist and Spirituality
Copyright © 2025 by D.E. McElroy

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise — without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations used in reviews or critical articles.

For information or permissions, contact:
World Christianship Ministries
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Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

1. Introduction

2. Chapter 1 – The Roots of Narcissism: Myth, History, and Modern Meaning

3. Chapter 2 – Spiritual Roots: Is Narcissism Part of a Soul Contract?

4. Chapter 3 – The Many Faces of Narcissism

5. Chapter 4 – Emotional Capacity: Can a Narcissist Love?

6. Chapter 5 – Trust, Lies, and Manipulation

7. Chapter 6 – Common Traits Across the Narcissistic Spectrum

8. Chapter 7 – Narcissists in Positions of Power

9. Chapter 8 – The “Me vs. Everyone” Mindset

10. Chapter 9 – Spiritual Lessons in Dealing with Narcissists

11. Chapter 10 – Can Narcissists Change Spiritually?

12. Chapter 11 – Are Narcissists “Evil” or Spiritually Lost?

13. Chapter 12 – Healing from Narcissistic Encounters

14. Appendices

15. Bonus Chapter – Modern Spiritual Pitfalls

The Narcissist and Spirituality

Chapter 1 – The Roots of Narcissism: Myth, History, and Modern Meaning

Narcissism is a word we hear often today. It usually means someone is self-centered, controlling, or unable to care about anyone but themselves. But where did the idea of narcissism begin? Has it always existed, or is it a problem that has grown in more recent times? To answer these questions, we need to look at both history and spirituality.

The Greek Myth of Narcissus

The word “narcissism” comes from an ancient Greek myth. Narcissus was a young man known for his incredible beauty. Many people fell in love with him, but he cared for no one. One day, he saw his reflection in a pool of water and became so enchanted by it that he could not look away. He wasted away, staring at himself until he died. The gods turned him into a flower, now called the narcissus.

The myth is a warning about the dangers of self-obsession. In spiritual terms, it shows what happens when someone turns all their energy inward and refuses to connect with the hearts of others.

Narcissism in Ancient Times

Even though the word comes from Greek mythology, the behavior of narcissism has likely been around as long as humans have existed. History is full of rulers, kings, queens, and military leaders who acted without empathy. Ancient stories tell of pharaohs who forced people to work to death building monuments to their own glory. Emperors demanded to be treated like gods. Some of these leaders may have been what we’d now call narcissists.

From a spiritual point of view, these figures can be seen as souls operating from ego rather than heart. Their focus was on power, image, and control, not on love, service, or unity.

From Myth to Psychology

It wasn’t until the late 1800s and early 1900s that narcissism became a subject in modern psychology. Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, used the term “narcissism” to describe self-love taken to an unhealthy extreme. Later, psychologists developed the concept of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) — a mental condition where a person has an inflated sense of self-importance, needs constant admiration, and lacks empathy.

However, not every narcissistic trait means someone has NPD. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people may only have mild traits, while others live their entire lives with deep, harmful patterns.

How Society Shapes Narcissism

Narcissism may be as old as humanity, but certain periods of history — including today — seem to encourage it more. In times when societies reward image over substance, or personal success over community well-being, narcissism grows. Our modern age, with social media and constant self-promotion, may be one of those times.

From a spiritual perspective, these environments can “feed the ego” and make it harder for people to connect to their higher self. The louder the world gets about “me, me, me,” the harder it is to hear the quiet voice of compassion, humility, and truth.

The Energetic Signature of Narcissism

Many spiritual teachers say every person gives off an “energetic signature” — a feeling you can sense even before they speak. Narcissists often project an energy that feels cold, draining, or self-serving. You might feel uneasy around them without knowing why. This is because their energy is centered on taking rather than sharing.

In contrast, those who are spiritually balanced radiate warmth, safety, and kindness. Being near them feels like a gentle breeze or a soft light. This difference in energy is one of the clearest signs that narcissism is not just a personality trait — it’s a spiritual imbalance.

Why This History Matters

Understanding where narcissism comes from — both in human history and in the soul — helps us recognize it more quickly. Whether it’s in ancient rulers or modern leaders, the pattern is the same: a heart closed to true connection.

In the chapters ahead, we will explore why some people follow this path, what role it may play in the soul’s journey, and how we can protect ourselves spiritually while still learning the lessons these encounters bring.

Chapter 2 – Spiritual Roots: Is Narcissism Part of a Soul Contract?

When we meet a narcissist, it can feel like a painful accident or an unlucky twist of fate. But some spiritual teachings suggest that these encounters may be planned before we are even born. This idea is connected to something called a soul contract.

What Is a Soul Contract?

A soul contract is a spiritual agreement made before you come to Earth. It’s like a plan your soul makes with other souls to help each other grow through certain life experiences. Not all contracts are pleasant. Some are designed to challenge you, push you to set boundaries, or help you discover your true strength.

In this view, meeting a narcissist may not be random. It could be part of an agreement to help you learn lessons about self-worth, discernment, or forgiveness.

Why Would Anyone Agree to This?

On a soul level, challenges can bring deep growth. Just as lifting heavy weights makes the body stronger, difficult relationships can make the soul stronger — if we learn from them. Some possible reasons a soul might agree to interact with a narcissist include:

• Learning Boundaries: Standing up for yourself and saying “no” when needed.

• Healing Old Wounds: Breaking patterns from past lives or early childhood.

• Discovering True Self-Love: Learning to value yourself without needing another’s approval.

From the higher perspective, these lessons are priceless — even though they can be painful in the moment.

Are Narcissists New Souls?

Some spiritual thinkers believe narcissists might be “new souls” — souls that haven’t lived many human lives yet. New souls may not fully understand human emotions like empathy, compassion, and unconditional love. They might operate mostly from survival instincts and ego.

If this is true, it doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it can explain why some narcissists seem emotionally immature or disconnected from the deeper experiences of love and kindness.

The Role of Karma

Another possibility is that encounters with narcissists are tied to karma — the spiritual law that every action has a consequence. You might have treated others selfishly in a past life, and in this life, you’re learning what it feels like to be on the receiving end. Or the narcissist themselves may be working through the consequences of their past actions, with you playing a part in their learning process.

Karma is not punishment — it’s a balancing process. The goal is always growth and healing.

From the Narcissist’s Perspective

If narcissism is part of their soul plan, the narcissist may be here to learn how to see beyond themselves. They may need many lifetimes to develop empathy and humility. Some may not awaken in this lifetime, while others could have a moment of deep change triggered by loss, failure, or spiritual awakening.

Seeing the Bigger Picture

It’s not always easy to think spiritually when you’re dealing with the hurt a narcissist can cause. But stepping back to see the bigger picture can help you shift from anger to understanding. This doesn’t mean you accept abuse — it means you understand there may be a higher reason for the connection, even if the relationship itself needs to end.

Reflection Exercise

Think about a narcissist you’ve known. Ask yourself:

1. What did I learn about myself through this experience?

2. Did it push me to set stronger boundaries?

3. Did it show me the importance of self-respect?

These insights can help you see your own soul growth, even from painful interactions.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore the different types of narcissists — because not all narcissists act the same, and knowing the difference can help you understand what you’re dealing with and how to respond.

Chapter 3 – The Many Faces of Narcissism

When people hear the word “narcissist,” they often picture one type: loud, bragging, and obsessed with being admired. But narcissism isn’t always so obvious. It can wear many masks. Some narcissists hide their self-centeredness behind quiet victimhood, while others cover it with charm or even spirituality.

Understanding the different types of narcissists helps you spot them sooner — and protect yourself. It also shows how narcissism can appear in any area of life, including spiritual communities.

1. The Grandiose Narcissist

This is the “classic” narcissist most people imagine.

• Traits: Loud confidence, superiority complex, constant bragging.

• Behavior: They dominate conversations, seek the spotlight, and expect special treatment.

• Spiritual View: They are deeply attached to the ego’s image and are often terrified of being seen as ordinary.

• Challenge for You: They may try to make you feel smaller so they can feel bigger.

2. The Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissist

This type can be harder to spot because they appear shy, sensitive, or even insecure.

• Traits: Passive-aggressive behavior, quiet resentment, victim mentality.

• Behavior: They use guilt trips, subtle digs, and self-pity to get attention.

• Spiritual View: They still crave validation, but hide it under a layer of “poor me” energy.

• Challenge for You: You may feel guilty for setting boundaries because they make you feel responsible for their unhappiness.

3. The Malignant Narcissist

This is the most dangerous form, blending narcissism with cruelty and a lack of conscience.

• Traits: Manipulative, controlling, sometimes aggressive.

• Behavior: They may enjoy causing others pain or use intimidation to get their way.

• Spiritual View: Their ego operates almost completely without connection to compassion or higher guidance.

• Challenge for You: These individuals can be abusive, and protecting yourself may require cutting ties completely.

4. The Communal Narcissist

This type seeks admiration by “helping” others — but the help is a stage for their own image.

• Traits: Loves public praise for charity or service.

• Behavior: They brag about their good deeds, making sure everyone knows about their kindness.

• Spiritual View: Their acts of service are often ego-driven, not heart-driven.

• Challenge for You: They may try to make you feel ungrateful if you don’t show enough admiration for their “goodness.”

5. The Spiritual Narcissist

This is one of the trickiest types because they use spiritual language and practices to appear enlightened.

• Traits: Acting morally superior because of their beliefs or practices.

• Behavior: They might shame others for not being “spiritual enough,” or use phrases like “I’m more evolved than you.”

• Spiritual View: They confuse ego with enlightenment, which can mislead those who are genuinely seeking truth.

• Challenge for You: They can make you doubt your own spiritual path if you believe their act.

Why Knowing the Type Matters

Recognizing what type of narcissist you’re dealing with can help you:

1. Predict how they might act in different situations.

2. Choose better strategies for self-protection.

3. Avoid falling into their emotional traps.

From a spiritual perspective, each type reflects a different way the ego tries to control the soul’s journey. No matter the type, the root problem is the same — a disconnection from the true self and the divine source of love.

In the next chapter, we’ll go deeper into one of the most debated questions: Can a narcissist actually love? We’ll look at this from both a psychological and a spiritual point of view, exploring whether they can experience empathy, compassion, or forgiveness in the way most people understand it.

Spiritualism verses Narcissism (Love or Ego)
which appeals to you?

Chapter 4 – Emotional Capacity: Can a Narcissist Love?

One of the biggest questions people ask after dealing with a narcissist is, “Do they even know what love is?”
From the outside, it can seem like narcissists have no real emotions. They may say “I love you,” but their actions often tell a different story. To understand why, we need to look at how narcissists experience emotions — and how their version of “love” is different from real, unconditional love.

What Real Love Looks Like

True love is selfless. It cares about another person’s well-being as much as, or more than, one’s own.

• It is patient and kind.

• It forgives mistakes.

• It supports rather than controls.

• It allows freedom rather than demanding ownership.

Spiritually speaking, real love flows from the soul. It connects two people at a deeper level beyond ego.

How Narcissists Define Love

For many narcissists, “love” means something very different:

• Love is admiration.

• Love is loyalty without question.

• Love is meeting their needs first.

They often see relationships as transactions: “I give you attention, you give me validation.” If that validation stops, their “love” often fades quickly.

Why Empathy Is Hard for Them

Empathy is the ability to feel what someone else is feeling. Narcissists struggle with empathy because:

1. They are so focused on their own needs, they rarely look at others’ needs.

2. True empathy requires vulnerability, which threatens their carefully built self-image.

3. Some may never have learned emotional connection during childhood.

Without empathy, it’s hard for them to truly understand or care about another’s feelings.

The Forgiveness Barrier

Forgiveness requires humility and compassion. Many narcissists resist forgiving because:

• Forgiving might mean admitting they were wrong.

• They fear losing the upper hand in the relationship.

• Holding grudges helps them feel in control.

From a spiritual view, forgiveness is a bridge between souls. But for a narcissist, that bridge often remains closed.

Can They Learn to Love?

It’s possible — but rare — for a narcissist to grow into deeper love. Major life events like losing a loved one, hitting “rock bottom,” or experiencing a spiritual awakening can open their heart. Still, most narcissists do not make this change without a powerful reason.

Spiritually, you could think of them as having a “walled heart.” The soul’s light is inside, but it’s blocked by layers of fear, pride, and ego. Breaking those walls takes time, humility, and often deep pain.

Protecting Your Heart

If you love a narcissist, it’s important to understand:

• You cannot change them unless they choose to change.

• Real love for yourself means setting boundaries.

• Protecting your heart is not selfish — it’s survival.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore why narcissists lie so easily, why they’re often unreliable, and how these behaviors connect to both their psychology and their spiritual state.

Chapter 5 – Trust, Lies, and Manipulation

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without it, love, friendship, and cooperation crumble. With narcissists, trust often breaks quickly — sometimes within the first few weeks of knowing them.

Why? Because for many narcissists, lying and manipulating are tools they use to protect their ego and control the people around them.

Why Narcissists Lie

Narcissists lie for many reasons, but most of them connect to self-protection and self-image:

1. To Protect Their Image – If the truth would make them look bad, they’ll change it or hide it.

2. To Gain an Advantage – They may tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want.

3. To Avoid Accountability – Admitting the truth could mean admitting fault, and that’s something their ego resists.

4. To Control the Narrative – They want to be the author of every story, even if it means rewriting reality.

Some lies are big and obvious, but others are small and constant — the kind that slowly erode trust over time.

Gaslighting: Rewriting Your Reality

One of the most harmful tactics narcissists use is gaslighting. This is when they make you doubt your own memory, perception, or sanity.

• Example: You clearly remember them saying something hurtful, but they insist, “I never said that — you’re imagining things.”

• Spiritual Impact: Gaslighting creates confusion, which weakens your inner connection to truth and intuition.

Projection: Blaming You for Their Flaws

Projection happens when a narcissist accuses you of the very thing they are doing themselves.

• If they’re lying, they accuse you of lying.

• If they’re being selfish, they accuse you of being selfish.

Spiritually, projection is a way for them to avoid looking at the shadow side of their own soul.

Why Narcissists Are Often Unreliable

Trust is not just about honesty — it’s also about keeping commitments. Narcissists often fail here too.

• They cancel plans if something “better” comes up.

• They make promises for approval in the moment, then forget or ignore them later.

• They see commitments as optional if they no longer serve their needs.

From a spiritual point of view, reliability is a sign of respect for another soul’s time and energy. Narcissists, being self-focused, often lack that respect.

The Spiritual Cost of Lying

Every lie creates a disconnect between the person and their higher self. Spiritually, truth is light, and lies are shadows. When someone lies repeatedly, they surround themselves with a cloud of spiritual darkness. This doesn’t just harm those around them — it slows their own soul growth.

Protecting Yourself from Manipulation

You can’t control whether a narcissist lies, but you can protect yourself by:

1. Trusting patterns, not promises.

2. Keeping records of important conversations or agreements.

3. Staying grounded in your own truth through prayer, meditation, or reflection.

4. Setting boundaries when manipulation appears.

In the next chapter, we’ll look at the common traits that nearly all narcissists share — the red flags you can watch for early in a relationship.

Chapter 6 – Common Traits Across the Narcissistic Spectrum

While narcissists can look very different on the surface — loud and flashy, quiet and withdrawn, charming, or even “spiritual” — most share a set of core traits. These are the patterns that repeat again and again, no matter their background, personality style, or life circumstances.

Knowing these traits can help you spot a narcissist early and protect your heart, energy, and spirit.

1. Lack of Accountability

Narcissists rarely take full responsibility for their actions.

• If something goes wrong, it’s someone else’s fault.

• If they hurt you, they may minimize it or blame you for “making them do it.”
  Spiritual View: Accountability requires humility, and humility is a step toward soul growth. Avoiding it keeps them stuck in ego.

2. Chronic Need for Admiration

Narcissists feed on attention and praise like a plant needs sunlight.

• Compliments make them feel alive.

• Criticism — even gentle — can make them lash out or withdraw.
  Spiritual View: A soul connected to Source already feels loved and valued; narcissists seek this love from outside because they are disconnected inside.

3. Boundary Violations

They often test or ignore personal boundaries.

• Reading your private messages.

• Showing up uninvited.

• Pushing for intimacy or information too soon.
  Spiritual View: Respecting boundaries honors the other person’s soul path. Ignoring them is a form of energetic trespassing.

4. Envy and Competitiveness

Narcissists may become jealous when others succeed — even those they claim to care about.

• They may downplay your achievements or try to outdo you.
  Spiritual View: Envy signals a scarcity mindset, the opposite of spiritual abundance.

5. Emotional Volatility

Their moods can swing quickly, especially if they feel criticized or ignored.

• One moment they’re charming; the next they’re cold or angry.
  Spiritual View: This instability shows they are ruled by ego reactions rather than the calm center of the soul.

6. Superficial Charm

At first, narcissists can be magnetic.

• They know how to make a strong first impression.

• They can be funny, flattering, and attentive — until they no longer need you.
  Spiritual View: Charm without compassion is manipulation in disguise.

7. Lack of Genuine Empathy

They may understand the idea of kindness but fail to truly feel what others feel.
Spiritual View: Empathy is the bridge between souls. Without it, relationships become hollow.

8. Using Others as a Means to an End

Relationships are often based on what they can get — not on mutual care.
Spiritual View: This reduces sacred soul-to-soul connections into transactions.

The Spiritual Pattern Behind These Traits

When you put all these traits together, a picture emerges:

• The narcissist lives primarily for self, not for connection.

• They are driven by fear of being unworthy or unseen.

• They try to fill an inner emptiness with control, admiration, and power — but it never lasts.

From a spiritual perspective, this is not a “curse” but a form of deep soul disconnection. They are stuck in the outer world of ego and image, cut off from the inner world of love and truth.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore why narcissists are so often drawn to politics, leadership, and positions of power — and what that says about their spiritual state.

**Chapter 7 – Narcissists in Positions of Power

Not all leaders are narcissists, but narcissists are often drawn to leadership. Politics, business, entertainment, and even religious organizations can be magnets for people who crave attention, influence, and control.

From a distance, their confidence and charm can make them seem like the perfect person to lead. But up close, the motives may be more about personal gain than service to others.

Why Power Attracts Narcissists

There are several reasons narcissists gravitate toward positions of power:

1. Control Over Others – Power allows them to direct people’s actions and decisions.

2. Public Admiration – Leadership roles bring recognition, attention, and often a “spotlight” they crave.

3. Status Symbols – Titles, offices, and influence feed their sense of importance.

4. Access to Resources – Positions of authority can give them financial and social advantages.

From a spiritual perspective, power without humility is dangerous. True leadership is about service, but narcissistic leadership is about self-service.

Narcissism in Politics

Politics can be especially appealing to narcissists because it combines visibility with authority.

• They can present themselves as “the answer” to people’s problems.

• Campaigns often reward charisma over substance.

• Once in power, they can shape laws and policies to benefit themselves or their allies.

Spiritual Warning Sign: A leader who divides people instead of uniting them may be serving their ego, not the greater good.

Narcissism in Religious and Spiritual Roles

Sadly, even spiritual communities are not immune.

• Some become “spiritual leaders” to be admired rather than to serve.

• They may use sacred language to build loyalty and obedience.

• They can exploit trust in the name of faith.

This is spiritual narcissism — perhaps one of the most harmful kinds, because it mixes ego with something sacred, confusing seekers who genuinely want truth.

Historical Examples

History is full of leaders who combined charisma with self-serving motives. Some brought harm to millions because their decisions were rooted in personal pride or hunger for control. Whether in ancient kingdoms or modern governments, the pattern is the same:

• The leader puts their image above the well-being of the people.

• Dissent is silenced.

• Loyalty is demanded rather than earned.

The Karmic Cycle of Power

Spiritually, abuse of power often leads to a fall. This can happen in one lifetime or over several.

• Some leaders lose everything suddenly.

• Others reincarnate into humbler lives to learn the value of service over control.

The soul’s journey always pushes toward balance. Power without love eventually collapses under its own weight.

How to Recognize a Healthy Leader

Not every confident or high-profile person is a narcissist. Signs of healthy leadership include:

• Willingness to admit mistakes.

• Decisions made for the good of all, not just themselves.

• Encouragement of dialogue and differing opinions.

• Humility and openness to feedback.

These are signs of a leader guided by spirit rather than ego.

In the next chapter, we’ll look at the “Me vs. Everyone” mindset that drives much of narcissistic behavior — and why it’s the opposite of spiritual connection.

Chapter 8 – The “Me vs. Everyone” Mindset

At the core of narcissism is a worldview that can be summed up as:
“It’s me against the world.”

This mindset shapes how narcissists see relationships, opportunities, and even love. They often believe that for them to win, someone else must lose. Cooperation feels risky because it means sharing power or attention.

Why Narcissists Think This Way

There are a few key reasons this mindset forms:

1. Fear of Scarcity – They believe there’s not enough love, respect, or success to go around, so they must grab as much as they can.

2. Ego Protection – Admitting others’ value or talent can feel like a threat to their own image.

3. Early Conditioning – Some may have grown up in environments where competition, not cooperation, was the norm.

From a spiritual point of view, this mindset is the opposite of unity consciousness — the understanding that we are all connected.

The Zero-Sum Game

Narcissists often approach life as a zero-sum game: if someone else gets more, they get less.

• If you receive praise, they may feel it takes away from theirs.

• If you succeed, they may feel diminished.

• If you have joy, they may try to disrupt it.

In spiritual truth, love and abundance are infinite — but to a narcissist, they are limited resources to be fought over.

The Impact on Relationships

This “me vs. everyone” mindset makes healthy relationships difficult.

• They may compete with their partner rather than support them.

• Friendships can become battlegrounds for status.

• Family interactions can turn into struggles for control.

It’s not just about wanting to win — it’s about avoiding the feeling of losing at all costs.

The Spiritual Cost

When someone lives in constant competition:

• They close themselves off from the joy of shared success.

• They weaken their ability to trust others.

• They cut themselves off from the deeper truth that all souls are part of one whole.

Spiritually, unity is natural. Separation is learned — and unlearning it can take many lifetimes.

Healing This Mindset

For a narcissist, shifting from “me vs. everyone” to “we are in this together” requires:

• Letting go of ego-based fears.

• Seeing others as allies, not threats.

• Reconnecting to the soul’s natural desire for harmony.

Unfortunately, many never make this shift in one lifetime. But for those who do, the change can be profound — opening the door to real love, empathy, and cooperation.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore the spiritual lessons you can learn from dealing with narcissists — even though the experience itself can be painful.

Chapter 9 – Spiritual Lessons in Dealing with Narcissists

Being in a relationship with a narcissist — whether romantic, family, friendship, or work-related — can be one of the most draining experiences in life. It can leave you questioning your worth, your judgment, and sometimes even your reality.

Yet, from a spiritual perspective, these experiences can also be powerful teachers. They push us to grow in ways we might never have chosen, but that can lead to greater strength, wisdom, and self-love.

Lesson 1 – Recognizing the Lesson Without Romanticizing the Pain

It’s important to be clear:

• Abuse is never okay.

• Manipulation is never okay.

• You are not “supposed” to stay in harm’s way to “learn” something.

The lesson is not about tolerating abuse — it’s about discovering the boundaries, self-worth, and clarity you need to move forward.

Lesson 2 – The Power of Boundaries

Narcissists often test limits. Spiritually, this can teach you:

• To say “no” without guilt.

• To honor your own needs as sacred.

• To recognize that healthy love respects personal space.

Boundaries are not walls to keep love out — they are gates that allow love to flow safely.

Lesson 3 – Energetic Protection

Narcissists can drain emotional and spiritual energy. Learning to protect yourself is a valuable skill.
Ways to protect your energy:

1. Grounding – Spend time in nature or quiet reflection to strengthen your inner stability.

2. Shielding – Visualize a protective light around you before entering stressful situations.

3. Cleansing – Release emotional residue through prayer, meditation, or simple rituals like bathing with intention.

Lesson 4 – Cutting Cords

In spiritual practice, “cords” are energetic connections between people. With a narcissist, these cords can carry toxic energy back and forth.

• Cord-cutting visualizations or prayers can help release the unhealthy attachment.

• This doesn’t erase memories, but it helps you reclaim your personal energy.

Lesson 5 – Transmuting Pain into Growth

Transmutation is the spiritual art of turning something heavy into something light — pain into wisdom, betrayal into self-respect.

• Journaling, creative expression, and helping others can be ways to transform the experience.

• What once broke you can become the very thing that empowers you.

Lesson 6 – Forgiveness vs. Tolerance

Forgiveness is releasing resentment so it doesn’t poison your soul. Tolerance, in this context, is putting up with harmful behavior.

• Forgiveness can happen without staying in contact.

• Letting go of bitterness does not mean letting the person back into your life.

Lesson 7 – Returning to Love

Perhaps the greatest spiritual lesson is that even after being hurt, you can choose love — not for the narcissist, but for yourself and for life.

• Love for your own journey.

• Love for the people who truly see and value you.

• Love for the divine source that guides and strengthens you.

In the next chapter, we’ll ask a difficult but important question: Can narcissists change — spiritually and emotionally — or is transformation rare?

Chapter 10 – Can Narcissists Change Spiritually?

When someone sees the harm a narcissist has caused, they often wonder: Can they change?
The answer is complex. Some narcissists can soften, grow, and even awaken spiritually — but for many, deep change is rare without a powerful life event that shakes their self-image.

The Psychological View

From a mental health perspective:

• Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is considered one of the hardest personality disorders to treat.

• Many narcissists resist therapy because it requires self-reflection and admitting fault — two things they avoid.

• When they do enter therapy, it’s often because of an external crisis (a breakup, job loss, or public embarrassment).

The Spiritual View

From a soul perspective, transformation is always possible — but not always chosen.

• Every soul has free will.

• Growth often requires humility, self-honesty, and empathy — traits that are underdeveloped in most narcissists.

• Without a connection to their higher self, they remain trapped in ego patterns.

Some spiritual teachers compare it to a wall around the heart: the soul’s light is inside, but it’s blocked by layers of fear, pride, and pain.

Catalysts for Change

While rare, some narcissists do awaken spiritually, often after:

1. Loss of Control – When a relationship, career, or status they depend on collapses.

2. Life-Altering Event – Serious illness, near-death experience, or the death of someone close.

3. Spiritual Crisis – An intense inner emptiness that forces them to seek deeper meaning.

These moments can open cracks in the wall, allowing empathy and humility to enter for the first time.

Signs of Genuine Change

If a narcissist is truly changing, you may notice:

• They take responsibility for their actions without excuses.

• They show consistent empathy and kindness without expecting praise.

• They listen more than they speak.

• They respect boundaries and honor commitments.

Spiritual growth is seen in actions over time, not in sudden words or promises.

The Reality Check

For most narcissists, true change is a long and difficult process — and many will never take that path in this lifetime.

• Some may soften slightly but never reach deep empathy.

• Others may become more skilled at hiding their narcissism, which can be more dangerous.

From a spiritual perspective, if they resist change, they will likely face the lessons they avoided in future lifetimes until balance is restored.

Your Role in Their Change

It’s natural to hope for transformation, but you cannot force it.

• You can model healthy behavior and boundaries.

• You can pray or send them love from a safe distance.

• You can choose compassion without sacrificing yourself.

Ultimately, their journey is theirs to walk — your responsibility is to protect your own soul.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore whether narcissists are “evil” or simply spiritually lost — and how understanding this difference can affect the way we view them.

Chapter 11 – Are Narcissists “Evil” or Spiritually Lost?

When a narcissist causes harm, it’s tempting to label them as evil. Their lies, manipulation, and lack of empathy can feel cold and deliberate. But from a spiritual perspective, the answer may not be so simple. Are they truly evil, or are they souls who are deeply disconnected from love and truth?

The Human View of Evil

In everyday terms, “evil” often means:

• Intentionally causing harm.

• Enjoying another’s suffering.

• Acting without any moral restraint.

Some narcissists, especially the malignant type, appear to fit this description. They seem to take pleasure in control, dominance, and watching others struggle.

The Spiritual Perspective

From a higher viewpoint, every soul comes from the same divine source — a source of pure love. But when the ego completely takes over, that light can be hidden.

• Spiritually speaking, a narcissist may not be “evil” in their essence, but rather spiritually lost — disconnected from their soul’s guidance.

• This disconnection can lead to harmful choices that look and feel like evil from the outside.

It’s like a lamp covered by thick cloth: the light is still there, but it’s not shining through.

Why the Distinction Matters

If we see narcissists as purely evil, we may feel only hatred and fear toward them. If we see them as spiritually lost, we can still protect ourselves while holding a sense of compassion for the soul inside — without excusing their actions.

This shift in perspective can:

• Help you release bitterness.

• Keep you from carrying their darkness in your own spirit.

• Remind you that no soul is beyond the possibility of growth, even if it doesn’t happen in this lifetime.

The Role of Karma

Karma is the balancing force of the soul’s journey.

• A narcissist who harms others will eventually face the spiritual consequences — in this life or another.

• This isn’t punishment but an opportunity for them to experience what they’ve caused, so they can develop empathy.

The Danger of Spiritual Excuses

It’s important to note:

• Understanding someone is spiritually lost does not mean tolerating abuse.

• Compassion does not require contact.

• Protecting yourself is an act of self-love, which is a spiritual responsibility.

Seeing the Bigger Picture

Narcissists challenge us to practice discernment — the ability to see both the human behavior and the soul behind it.

• On the human level, set boundaries and hold them accountable.

• On the spiritual level, know that they are on their own path of lessons and growth.

This dual awareness allows you to stay strong without becoming hardened.

In the next chapter, we’ll turn the focus back to you and look at how to heal after a relationship with a narcissist — emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Chapter 12 – Healing from Narcissistic Encounters

Recovering from a relationship with a narcissist — whether romantic, family, friendship, or work — is not just about “moving on.” It’s about rebuilding trust in yourself, restoring your emotional balance, and reconnecting with your spiritual center.

Narcissists can leave deep wounds, but those wounds can heal. And in many cases, they can make you stronger, wiser, and more connected to your own soul.

Step 1 – Allow Yourself to Feel

After leaving a narcissist, it’s common to feel a mix of emotions: anger, sadness, relief, confusion, even guilt.

• Don’t rush to “just get over it.”

• Allow yourself to process the emotions fully.

• Journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or working with a counselor can help you name and release what you feel.

From a spiritual perspective, acknowledging the pain is part of cleansing it from your energy field.

Step 2 – Rebuild Your Self-Worth

Narcissists often chip away at self-esteem over time. Healing means remembering who you were before the relationship — and who you are becoming now.
Ways to rebuild:

1. List your strengths and revisit them daily.

2. Set small, achievable goals to remind yourself you are capable.

3. Surround yourself with supportive, uplifting people.

Spiritually, this is about reclaiming your divine worth — the truth that you are valuable simply because you exist.

Step 3 – Restore Trust in Your Intuition

Gaslighting and manipulation can make you doubt your own perceptions.

• Practice listening to your inner voice again.

• Try meditation, prayer, or time in nature to quiet outside noise.

• Make small decisions based on your instincts and notice the results.

The more you trust your intuition, the more confident you’ll feel in all areas of life.

Step 4 – Set and Keep Strong Boundaries

Boundaries protect your emotional and spiritual space.

• Be clear on what behavior you will and won’t accept.

• Practice saying “no” without explaining or apologizing.

• Understand that people who respect you will respect your boundaries.

Spiritually, boundaries act as energetic shields, keeping your light from being drained.

Step 5 – Release the Energetic Ties

You may still feel connected to a narcissist long after contact ends.

• Use cord-cutting meditations or prayers to release lingering attachment.

• Visualize sending their energy back to them and reclaiming your own.

• Forgive, not to excuse them, but to free yourself from carrying their energy forward.

Step 6 – Find the Lesson and the Gift

This may not be clear at first, but with time you may recognize:

• You are stronger than you thought.

• You have clearer boundaries than before.

• You can spot unhealthy behavior sooner.

From a soul perspective, even painful relationships can refine your ability to love — starting with loving yourself.

Step 7 – Reconnect with Love

The ultimate goal is to open your heart again — not for the narcissist, but for life itself.

• Spend time with people who bring out the best in you.

• Do things that make your spirit feel alive.

• Remember that love, in its pure form, is safe and healing.

Your spirit was never truly broken. It may have been bruised, but it remains whole and capable of shining brightly again.

Closing Thought

Healing from a narcissist is a journey, not a single event. Every step you take toward self-love, clarity, and spiritual connection is a step away from the shadow of their influence. Over time, the memory will fade, but the wisdom will remain.

If you’d like, I can now create the Appendices we discussed — including a Narcissist vs. Empath comparison table, traits checklist, and spiritual protection practices — so the book closes with practical tools for readers.

Do you want me to move on to those appendices next?

Appendix A – Traits Checklist: Psychological & Spiritual Signs of Narcissism

Psychological Traits

• Inflated sense of self-importance

• Requires constant admiration

• Lack of empathy

• Manipulative behavior

• Uses others for personal gain

• Easily offended by criticism

• Unreliable in keeping commitments

Spiritual Indicators

• Disconnection from compassion

• Energy feels draining or “cold”

• Sees relationships as transactions, not sacred connections

• Lacks respect for personal boundaries as soul agreements

• Motivated by ego rather than service or love

Appendix B – Narcissist vs. Empath Comparison Table

Appendix C – Spiritual Protection Practices

1. Grounding

• Stand barefoot on the earth or visualize roots extending from your feet deep into the ground.

• Helps you stay balanced when facing draining energy.

2. Shielding

• Visualize a sphere of light surrounding you.

• Choose a color that feels protective — white for purity, gold for divine protection, violet for spiritual transmutation.

• See it repelling negativity but allowing love in.

3. Cord-Cutting

• Close your eyes and imagine cords of energy connecting you to the narcissist.

• With intention, cut these cords using a spiritual tool in your visualization — a sword of light, scissors, or simply your hand.

• Affirm: “I release what is not mine and reclaim my energy.”

4. Cleansing

• Use water rituals (bathing, showering, or washing hands) to symbolically release heavy energy.

• Add salt or essential oils for extra clearing.

• Pray or affirm during the process.

Appendix D – Recommended Resources

Books

• Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy T. Behary – Practical strategies for dealing with narcissists.

• The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg – Understanding codependent and narcissist dynamics.

• The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer – Spiritual perspective on ego and freedom.

Websites

• Psychology Today – Articles on narcissism and recovery.

• Spirituality & Health – Mind-body-spirit healing resources.

Practices

• Mindfulness meditation for clarity and emotional regulation.

• Journaling to track triggers and progress.

• Group support — online or in-person — for shared healing.

Closing Note from the Author

Dealing with a narcissist can be one of the most painful challenges in life, but it can also be one of the most transformational. By combining psychological understanding with spiritual wisdom, you reclaim your power, protect your soul, and grow into a stronger, more compassionate version of yourself.

You are not defined by what happened to you — you are defined by what you choose to become after it.

Bonus Chapter – Modern Spiritual Pitfalls: Practices That Pull You Away from the Soul

In today’s world, spirituality is more visible than ever. People share inspirational quotes online, attend mindfulness retreats, and explore practices from many traditions. But along with this openness comes a challenge: not everything that looks spiritual actually nourishes the soul.

Some modern practices can lead us away from true connection with our higher self — especially when they feed the ego instead of the spirit.

1. Social Media “Validation Culture”

We’ve all seen it: the carefully staged posts, the need for likes, and the constant comparisons.

• The Risk: Your sense of worth begins to depend on outside approval.

• Spiritual Impact: Instead of finding peace within, you chase attention that fades quickly. True spiritual growth happens in quiet moments, not in public applause.

2. Manifestation Without Responsibility

Manifestation can be powerful, but some teachings focus only on getting what you want — without asking if it serves the greater good.

• The Risk: It can become a tool for selfish desire instead of soulful alignment.

• Spiritual Impact: Desire without wisdom can pull you into the same ego traps as materialism.

3. Influencer Spirituality

Some people turn spirituality into a personal brand. They may share wisdom, but their image becomes the focus.

• The Risk: Followers start relying on them instead of finding their own connection to Source.

• Spiritual Impact: Real spirituality empowers independence, not dependency.

4. Hustle Culture

Modern life glorifies being busy every moment — working, striving, competing.

• The Risk: Stillness feels like laziness.

• Spiritual Impact: Without stillness, we can’t hear the quiet voice of our soul.

5. Politicized Religion

When faith is used to gain or hold power, it often divides instead of unites.

• The Risk: Spiritual truth is replaced by political loyalty.

• Spiritual Impact: The message of love and unity is lost in arguments over who is “right.”

6. Spiritual Materialism

Crystals, robes, books, and sacred tools can inspire — but they are only helpful if used with intention.

• The Risk: The object becomes the focus instead of the inner transformation.

• Spiritual Impact: External symbols mean little without inner change.

7. Chasing Instant Enlightenment

Some seek dramatic spiritual experiences — visions, altered states, “quick awakenings” — without grounding them in daily life.

• The Risk: The experience fades, and nothing changes inside.

• Spiritual Impact: Real growth is steady, humble, and lifelong.

8. Technology Overuse

Being constantly plugged in leaves little time for spiritual reflection.

• The Risk: Endless scrolling replaces silent prayer or meditation.

• Spiritual Impact: We lose touch with the present moment, where the soul speaks most clearly.

Returning to the Heart of Spirituality

The key to avoiding these pitfalls is discernment — the ability to sense whether a practice brings you closer to love, humility, and truth, or whether it feeds pride, division, and ego.

A good question to ask is:

“Does this help me live with more compassion, more peace, and more connection to the Source of all life?”

If the answer is yes, the practice is serving your soul. If not, it might be time to let it go.

What if the most painful relationships in your life held the greatest spiritual lessons?

In The Narcissist and Spirituality, D.E. McElroy takes you on a journey through the mind and soul of the narcissist, revealing what drives their behavior and how their presence in your life might be part of a deeper spiritual plan.

Combining psychological insight with timeless spiritual wisdom, this book will help you:

• Recognize the many faces of narcissism.

• Protect your emotional and spiritual energy.

• Understand the possible karmic and soul-contract reasons for these encounters.

• Heal from the damage and reclaim your self-worth.

Whether you’ve dealt with a narcissistic partner, family member, friend, or leader, The Narcissist and Spirituality offers clarity, tools, and hope. You’ll learn not only how to guard yourself against harm, but how to emerge stronger, wiser, and more deeply connected to your true self.

Your spirit is stronger than their shadow — and this book will help you prove it.

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